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A Full Moon Journeyby Jenni Muscat
I went to circle this particular night. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go, because my week had been flat out, and my son was having a friend over on the weekend so I wanted to be sure that the house was cleaned up beforehand.
When I walked into the hall, I think it was Ray who told me that I was the 13th person. I said "unlucky for some, but not for me". There were some of us in the kitchen and we were having a chat, and then Simon asked if he could smudge me. I agreed and it was done. We were all asked to wait in the ante room, and there was a comment made about 13 of us attending tonight. I stated that it was a female number and it works for me. In the Moon's sidereal cycle (just over 27 days), she will come back to the same spot anywhere on the Zodiac wheel 13 times in a year. The menstrual cycle also - for a lot of women - coincides with this sidereal movement.
Janine began to speak about Innanna - Goddess of love and war, and of her legend. It was in preparation for the upcoming ritual in the next room. We were given a sheet of paper, and on the back of it we were to write specific things. There was also a heptagon outlining the seven traditional planets in Astrology. Before going into the hall, we were asked to write seven Me's that we were willing to release. I had the funny feeling that we would be reclaiming what we were releasing, and thus transforming from our old ideals and beliefs. Still, I kept this to myself, not wanting to spoil the anticipation that I'm sure we were all feeling by now. When everyone was ready, we all filed into the hall.
When we all walked in, there was a septagram on the floor, drawn with masking tape. I was guided to a particular point in the floor, with a very strong feeling already that I knew where I was standing in relevance to one of the planets - and the layout of the septagram. There was a piece of paper laying face down on each of the points. Janine asked those of us standing at the points to turn the paper over. Sure enough, I turned mine over, only to have drawn the Moon! I whispered to Jenny (I had difficulty containing my excitement at this point - I was already feeling hyped up) "I knew it!"
At the Moon's point, I was to invoke Nanna, Lord of the Moon. I can't come to the concept of the Moon being male, the female energy is just too distinctive. But that is my personal view. Where we were standing corresponded with the first Me that we all wrote on our pieces of paper. How synchronistic, then, was it that the first Me I was releasing happened to be that of Mother!
After releasing the first Me to Spirit, we were to move to the next point of the septagram. I then came to Mercury, and the next Me I would release was my Health. This was when my mind started going into overdrive - I was making connections to my life, and a deeper connection to Astrology. After releasing Health, the next point was that of Venus, along with the third Me of Happiness. Venus is associated with love and war normally, but I would also equate that with my happiness. Some of my remarks at this point may appear ambiguous, but it will make more sense at the end.
We come to the Sun as my next Me point on the septagram, and it corresponds with Love. I pondered on what that might mean for me, released it and moved on to Mars/Children. Moving on to Jupiter, I repeated the process and released the Friends part of Me. Feeling just a tad vulnerable by now, my final point was that of Saturn and Sex. I had been totally stripped of my emotional armour and was taking in my life's experience at that moment. I was wobbly on my feet and swaying where I stood. In feeling vulnerable, there came a moment of deeper understanding.
I was able to comprehend more fully the fact that I can reclaim what I released, and more of it besides. I can't yet see how I am meant to do that, but I'm sure that the path will reveal itself in due course.
On our return to the beginning point, I moved out of Saturn, through Jupiter and Mars, the Sun and Venus, then Mercury and finally the Moon, reclaiming the Mes's that I had put aside at each gateway.
As I'm about to explain, the whole evening had been synchronistic from the moment I walked through the doors of the hall - in more ways than one!!!!
In traditional Astrology derived by the Sumerians - Later by the Babylonians, Egyptians, Greeks and Romans - the seven planets that were used would indicate a phase of a person's life in terms of age, and what it entails.
The Moon: From the moment of conception inside the womb, through the process of birth, and a child's attachment to the Mother for the first four years of life. Emotional conditioning is imprinted into the child's psyche. To simplify the description I will use the female term here.
I don't remember very much about the early days, and I don't expect that many people would remember that time period in their own lives. During my years of inner work and exploration, I have been able to see that because I was the youngest child of four, my mother probably had not much time for me to the same degree as she had for the others. I believe that there was a detachment between us, and I don't fully understand why, except to say that a lot was going on in the home, and I saw things that children shouldn't see. It's fair to say that my childhood wasn't normal, and I didn't have the bond of my mother that other children can claim to have with theirs.
Mercury: From four years on to about 14, this is normally the time that the child prepares for school, to meet and learn to interact with other children. If the child has siblings, she learns more about who they are and where she fits in terms of the pecking order. Reading and writing, studying a syllabus, networking and a general awareness of her environment is more paramount. A child gathers knowledge and expresses it in various forms of communication.
My school life could be described as unconventional. I was what is now called ADHD, and pronounced hard to handle by the local school - after running riot playing with a telephone that I never saw in my life in the Principal's office, and throwing sand at other kids. I never learned about that early interaction which is necessary for a child's development, so I attended special needs schools as a result, misdiagnosed as a "Spastic", a freak that people constantly teased me about. As hard as that time was, my mind was as sharp as a tack and I was a fast learner. I learned to grasp things quickly with English and Maths. I also met probably the best type of friends I could've hoped for at that time. They were kind-hearted and there were no distinctions between us. When I finally returned to Primary School in year 4, I learned more about bullies and the cruel mind games that kids would play. Despite that, I enjoyed Primary. I was athletic and I loved sport. I was also a cheeky git who never became prefect and got into my fair share of trouble, along with fisticuffs in the playground. I learned from early on how to look after myself. At times my health was delicate, but my mental health could also have been an issue pertaining to that part of Me I was releasing.
Venus: From 14 years to early adulthood - about 21 - the child experiences puberty,along with all the physical and emotional changes that go with it. Study and childhood toys are no longer so important, sex and hormones literally take over. The teenage years have well and truly arrived - parties, days out and sleepovers with friends, dates and relationships, exploring sex and the awakening of her sexuality, drinks and drugs, along with the need to fly the coup from the family nest.
High School sucked, and I dropped out at 15. I met my mother again for the first time in nearly seven years after she left my father for somebody else. I was interested in boys and men, and my sexual explorations began. I did some short courses through TAFE and I got a job in the Commonwealth Public Service. I was also thrown out of home at 18 and was pregnant by 19 - subsequently I miscarried - I was a wild child and party girl who drank more than my fair share of grog and could've smoked a dope plantation to the ground. My first serious relationship also unfolded and although that didn't last, I walked away all the more experienced for it.
The Sun: At around 21 - 28 the teenage years are left behind and the threshold is crossed into the early stages of adulthood. Big decisions are made by this time and the young adult has to contend with issues of responsibility and commitment. She may be working full-time now or settled down to raise a family. For the man, he would likewise work, be single or be the family breadwinner.
At this stage of my life, I was imbetween homes, due to moving around a bit. I bought my first car that was a bomb, then traded that in for a better one under finance. I knew how to pay rent and keep my head above water with paying bills. I still enjoyed nights out with friends and the like, but my thoughts turned to travel and planning trips away. Feeling the need to love and be loved was important for me, but hard to come by. I had a big chip on my shoulder and although I was responsible financially and domestically, I found people to be frustrating and I stood out like a sore thumb for it. I knew I was different, and the social mores at times were hard to grasp. I was the black sheep of my family because I hadn't settled down at this point and made babies! I was different from the norm in more ways than one, but it would take me a few more years before I realised why, along with feeling comfortable about it.
Mars: From 28 to the age of 40, the young adult is sliding into middle age. Her lifestyle would entail being independent in some way, moved out of home, raised a family along with domestic responsiblilties. She may care for an elderly parent, and it's usually at this stage of a person's life when the older generation pass over into Spirit. Mortality becomes a bone of contention, a life time of beliefs and ideals may be broken down and a period of great change will unfold.
This Me was about Children, and I was 28 when I gave birth to my first son. Post natal depression was soon to follow, as I came to grips with this new role of caring for someone so small and helpless. I had also led an independent lifestyle for 10 years, and being dependent on my defacto husband at the time drove me around the bend. I was alone a lot due to his shifts, I had two more kids in a five year gap between them all, bought a house and got married, pregnant and miscarried again, I was more aware of my spirituality at this time, but it also co-incided with my father dying of cancer. I had a nervous breakdown, consulted a grief counsellor and threw my husband out when it all fell apart. I also attended self-help seminars and workshops, gained my two degrees in Reiki and really worked on myself at this time.
Jupiter: From around 40 - 60 the adult has well and truly left her youth behind. Her children would be growing up and finding their place in the world. Universal concerns could be more important at this time, along with a possible return to the workforce. There may be more time to travel and explore different countries and cultures. There is also the knowing that Menopause kicks in and the changes that go with it, including perhaps with some sadness that no more children can be produced by the woman, she will question whether she is still desirable to her partner or in general. At the same time, there is also an anticipation in that she could make a difference to the wider community and she is free of the constraints that shackled her in youth and middle age.
This Me pertains to Friends. I'm also in this age period, and for some time to come. After my marriage breakup, I came into my own. As ironic as it may sound, I made my own friends with whom I had more in common. Two of my kids are teenagers now, and there is more freedom for me to pursue what I enjoy doing. My spiritual path took a sharp turn towards Paganism and Heathenism. I had a short term relationship that took a nose dive as quickly as it began. At the same time, my best friend showed her true colours and we no longer speak. Another friend and mentor slandered me as being evil and needing a priest. I woke up to the fact that she was nothing more than a glorified New Age Christian, something I never adhered to. There was always something else with my spirituality, but as yet I couldn't put my finger on it. But I knew that woman was wrong about me. The world isn't all sweetness and life, and I got tired of ignoring my shadow side, treating it like something who shouldn't be there. I not only consider my shadow side to be a good friend of mine, I have also fallen in with a group of people who share similar beliefs to myself. I finally realised that I was - once and for all - a Pagan/Heathen. It only took me the better part of 43 years to figure this out! As one friend put it recently:
"You get tired of dealing with the arseholes in this world. It's much easier to knock around with those who are more on your wavelength."
Saturn: Beyond 60 years of age, the adult enters the twilight years. Retirement is imminent, and she has more leisure time than she knows what to do with. Saturn is also called "Old Father Time", because it is a completion in the adult cycle. She would look back on her life, her achievements and setbacks, what she learned and make the best of the time she has left. Affairs would be in order in readiness for her final journey. Roots have been laid down, and for most of the time, when the adult has passed over, property and assets are divvied out amongst family members - leaving behind a legacy. The adult is laid to rest back into Mother earth from where she came. Saturn is also about Karma, and whatever hadn't been dealt with will most certainly be by this stage. If the adult believes in reincarnation, those issues would also need to be addressed, especially in terms of higher development for the next lifetime.
It was interesting for me that I landed on this final point which co-incided with completion. This final Me was Sex. It could pertain to what I really think in terms of my own sexuality, but it was also the final gate that revealed me in my most vulnerable form. I have been celibate now for the last three years or so, and I don't really want to give that part away to anyone whom I feel doesn't deserve it. Coming to this point also validated my awareness of having lived parallel lives at once, which is what I'm doing right now. I have addressed what I've been able to do with my Karmic debt, but I'm sure that's not the end of it. This lifetime allows me to come to terms with my spirituality once and for all. I was scared of it, because I knew what happened to me in previous lives. The Roman Catholic church and the Inquisition have a lot to answer for in terms of what they did in destroying countless innocent lives - including my own!
When we moved back through the points and reclaimed the Me's that we released, I felt something unload from me. But my story's not quite over yet.
We have a Total Lunar Eclipse on Tuesday night 28th August, at 8:35PM EST. I'm an Astrologer, as some of you would know quite well ? and I conduct a fair bit of research. On the night in question, the Moon opposes both the Sun and Saturn. This is especially significant for me. In my natal chart, I have Saturn in Pisces, in my 9th house of Philosophy, the Law and Travel. My natal Saturn is at 1 degree. The transiting Moon on eclipse night conjuncts my natal Saturn. Transiting Saturn is opposing my natal Saturn, and I will be feeling that particular aspect for some weeks afterward.
But wait, there's more, and I will try not to confuse you with my explanation? My generation has Uranus in Virgo and my natal Uranus is in my 3rd house at 6 degrees. Saturn isn't conjuct that yet, but over the next few months it will be. So let's focus on where the Moon is. It will be in Pisces at 4 degrees 45 minutes with the Sun at 4 degrees 45 minutes Virgo. I have a configuration called the T-Square. It means I have Saturn and Uranus in opposition, and Venus squares off with both of them, forming a T. The eclipsed Moon activates this T square in transit, and so will Saturn. So does the Sun for that matter, but the main players activating this area of my chart are the Moon and Saturn.
Spooked yet? I don't believe in co-incidences, and things happen the way they're supposed to. For a moment on Friday night, I considered not coming to Circle. I walked through the doors of the hall as the 13th person, the number of the Moon and 13 sidereal cycles in a year. The Moon was my first Me gate, as was Saturn the last. It isn't worth my while thinking what would've happened if I didn't show. I was meant to, and that's all there is to it. My eyes will be wide open for the coming days, weeks and months, even years. How this pans out is up to Spirit.
The actual ritual can be read here.