Diary of a Heretic

2003 has turned out to be the most exasperating year I have ever experienced. It certainly has been jammed packed with challenges and frustrations. Who said that a spiritual path is an easy path?

Several years ago I was sitting in a class on psychic development, the lecturer was telling everyone that once they had found their true path then everything would fall into place and life in general would become easier. Yep that may be true if you were Mother Theresa or Prince Valiant in a past life. I however have had numerous past lives and an incredible amount of accumulated karma to work through.

I have come to the conclusion that the more spiritually aware you become, the more crap you have to deal with; it’s all part of the self actualisation process. I remember a time when I was blissfully ignorant. Everything was clearly defined. My religion was handed to me all neatly packaged. Don’t you worry your sweet little head about anything. Just accept everything we say – remember blind faith. Oh how easy life was back then, you only had to worry about the mundane things in life.

I often contemplate how wonderful it would be to be an amoeba, one of those single cell semi invisible things that just exist. No worries about relationships, or making ends meet, you wouldn’t have to worry about what clothes to wear, what food to eat – Pure Bliss.

I had this inspiring idea the other day; I thought that as human beings we are all progressing towards the Divine even if we are not aware of it. This ongoing never ending process of moving forward, but in the circle of existence, what if the single cell amoeba is the closest thing on earth to the Divine. I exist therefore I am, well you know what I mean. Maybe this amoeba is more enlightened that we realise.

In my own search for enlightenment I have made some monumental discoveries. I discovered that my belief structure was based on half truths and fallacies. I then started questioning what is truth and where do you go to find it. Some time ago I was reading a book on Kabbalah and the author’s opening comments were “do not believe a single word that is written in this book”. How often do we believe what is written in books. It must be true because it is written in a book. Do we say that about newspaper articles, or dare I say it – the Bible? Do we believe everything that we hear on TV or that comes out of the mouths of our politicians, our Prime Minister or President George Bush?

Do we really know what is black and white, what is good and evil? What happens in our life today is no longer clearly defined or was it ever clearly defined? The delineation lines are constantly changing and I don’t know what is truth or fiction. Who do we believe and what do we believe?

I have come to a conclusion that the only person I can believe in is my self, it’s my starting point. If I cant believe in my self who else will. Every thing that I read these days I question. I never accept anything at face value. I do my own research, learn from my own experiences and trust my own intuition (sometimes). One thing that I know to be true is that change is inevitable and in order for us to evolve we have to change.

I have come to the realisation that I am a seeker of the Truth – my Truth and yes my spiritual path is a hard path, but I would not want it any other way. For those of you considering embarking on a spiritual journey I have one warning. Once you have started on the path of enlightenment there is no turning back.

Janine 2003