Diary of a Heretic

It hasn’t been a happy start to the new year, with the devastating earthquake creating so much death and despair in Haiti. Even in a country that has endured deadly hurricanes, unrelenting violence and grinding poverty, the destruction was epic.

With so much pain and grief being felt across the world it is a time to grieve with those who mourn and stand in solidarity with those who have lost so much. The time for trying to fully process what has happened will come but first we must allow this time of grief to take its course and the season of healing to begin.

For all those people that have survived this terrible catastrophe, let us unite in thought and deed and send them healing in whatever form we can, whether that be through Ritual, Meditation, Energetic Healing, Reiki or Prayer. Please also give a thought to the dead and ask your guides for assistance to help them cross over.

Please send cash donations to help survivors of the Haiti earthquake at the following major aid organisations:

Save the Children’s Haiti Earthquake Emergency Appeal at this link. Donations can also be made at NAB branches or by phoning 1800 76 00 11.

Australian Red Cross Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or by phoning 1800 811 700.

www.worldvision.com.au or call 13 32 40

Oxfam’s Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or by phone at 1800 034 034.

CARE Australia has said the biggest challenge facing aid groups on the ground is reaching all those who need their help. CARE’s staff have been handing out food and other supplies. The agency has said a donation of just $50 can provide water sanitation kits to homeless families. You can donate to CARE’s Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or at 1800 020 046.

ActionAid Australia’s emergency appeal online or by phone at 1300 66 66 72.

The animal victims desperately need help too, and the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA) is joining forces with other animal welfare groups to come to their aid. Donate to WSPA online or phone 1300 13 9772. More information regarding the animal situation in Haiti can be found on WSPA’s Animals in Disasters Blog.

Spheres Of Light will be collecting money at our upcoming Lughnasadh ritual, which will be donated to the Australian Red Cross Haiti Earthquake Appeal.

It has been said that in a world of order, chaos reigns. This year has certainly been a year of instability on all fronts! 2009 has definitely been a year of contrasts, a year of transformation. Actually, it has been like a roller-coaster ride. I can’t recall a year for quite sometime where such exuberant highs and gut-wrenching lows were contained within such a short period of time.

What I have seen during 2009 is more and more people seeking answers to life’s questions, and some are waking up from the deep sleep of illusion. 2009 added up to a Universal 11 Master number in numerology, and metaphorically, the number 11 symbolizes a point in our journey where we’ve reached a fork in the road and a decision resulted where we must choose either the path to the right or the path to the left. One of these paths will ensure positive change and upward growth, while the other portends stagnation and a loss of initiative, purpose and direction.

This year seems to have instigated a great process of clearing, when you clear something out of the way; you make room for something more ideal to come in. Moving something, clearing it up, throwing it away, all leads to clarity in some way. One of the main benefits of this year of transformation has been gaining clarity and insight. So my challenge to you is to start the momentum happening, start to build, start to make room for something that will serve you better in 2010.

As we approach the new year there is great expectation that the vital energy and positive thrust of life will be replenished and born anew, providing each of us a renewed hope for a brighter more satisfying future.

I would like to take this opportunity on behalf of Spheres of Light to wish you all peace, joy and harmony for the New Year and have a safe and happy holiday season.

“Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive.” ~ Stacey Charter

Last night as I was looking at the black shiny scrying mirrors and bowls that I purchased for the upcoming scrying workshop, I found myself pondering on how life can become quite surreal at times, especially when you are working with various states of realities. Take last Sunday for example at the SOL meditation in the park, our group experienced some amazing similarities in our visualisations. It is remarkable what one can tap into during these meditative sessions and I hope that the scrying weekend will reveal some equally wonderful insights.

Peering through a blackened Looking-Glass, all seems very Alice in Wonderland where you are sometimes shown a world where things aren’t always what they seem; a world of echoing mirrors which can take us on incredible journeys to worlds within worlds within worlds.

We are ourselves a mirror; seeing and reflecting the myriad of experiences of our mundane and spiritual lives as we search for our truth, trying to come to an understanding of who we really are. It reminds me of a dream I had several years ago, where I was invited to a fancy dress ball, the theme was to come as a favourite music album. I found myself at the ball with just a hand mirror and the album I was representing was Rod Stewart’s “Every Picture Tells a Story”. It was truly a profound dream and it made me realise the mirrored pictures of our life may be just distorted representations of our own unique perceptions about ourself.

If one is not happy with what life is reflecting then the quickest way to change your reflection is by learning to truly love and appreciate yourself. Whether you are conscious of the power of your mind or not, the mirror of life is directly related to how you perceive yourself. Even people who are not aware that their thoughts create their reality can and do create truly incredible lives when they love and acknowledge themselves.

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”
~ Ernest Holmes

How often do we find ourselves being pulled in a multitude of directions, and we do the things we do because we believe we have a responsibility to live up to other people’s expectations? Problems arise however, when we don’t live authentic lives for our self. We spend so much time striving to put the pieces of our lives into place, striving to be that perfect employee, the perfect wife/husband, the perfect parent and before we know it, we find ourselves completely lost to a life that represents who we truly are.

This week I had a situation where I became totally exhausted, and I had to take a day off from work to recover. I realized I had run myself ragged, trying to meet my ever increasing list of responsibilities. At the last full moon circle, I had opportunity to look into the depths of my soul and assess if I was being true to my authentic self. Over the past few days, I have come to realize that I had fallen into a rut and that I was not being true to myself.

Our physical time is limited on this earth, so we should live from the heart, without the shackles of regret. What we believe about ourselves is what we will become. Rather than going through life pursuing the person you think you “should be” or are “supposed to be”, you should stop – breathe – reflect, and then reconnect with the true self that lies within.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~ Tao Te Ching

Of late I have been doing some spring cleaning and clearing out the dead wood from my life. It is amazing how the dead wood surfaces over the winter months of reflection. Strangely enough it coincides with my downsizing program which started back in April. I decided that I should lose weight and get fit, so over the past few months I have been downsizing literally, 2 dress sizes actually.

As the season changed to Spring so did my psyche; the tarot card the Knight of Swords defines this time of change. The card indicated that a clearing process is taking place, which entails a time of pruning, and of honing issues down into essentials.

The question I needed to ask was, “What do I need to prune in my life right now?” It was time for me to make space for growth and to allow space to breathe and be, to experience new joy and energy levels. As I took a look around me I wondered how on earth did I allow all this physical and emotional clutter to accumulate!

So at the moment I am engaged in pulling out my allegorical fallen branches and twigs and piling them up for disposal. It is amazing how over time the deadwood accumulates in the form of interests no longer pursued, possessions migrating to storage, and relationships altered as people live, die, and change. This project will no doubt take quite some time; after all it took years to accumulate. In the not too distant future I will need to think about new directions and decide what new trees and bushes I should plant.

I opine that a person’s life is like a forest. If one does not clear out the undergrowth from time to time, it accumulates until a once living wood becomes a dead wood.

Change is definitely in the air; thank goodness the days are gradually getting longer and warmer. Last Sunday’s meditation in the Royal National Park was a great opportunity for me to ground and connect to nature and bask in the sun, which was just what I needed after a month of frustrations and miscommunications.

The recent eclipses seemed to place an emphasis on communication, in fact on the day of the solar eclipse my new laptop crashed. I thought to myself at the time that this was quite ominous; eclipses have a habit of bringing misfortune in one form or another. Thinking back to previous eclipses they all seemed to precipitate a series of corrections which include breakdown in friendships, a broken elbow, a smashed car and a torn knee cartilage, so on that scale a broken laptop didn’t seem too bad. It was the long drawn out process of getting it fixed that provided the frustration. It appears that even if you are covered by a warranty nobody wants to know you, and forget about customer service, it just doesn’t exist. Anyway to cut a long story short on the day I decided that I wasn’t going worry about the laptop, that it just wasn’t that important in the scheme of things, I managed to get my problem resolved.

In contemplation I realised that the laptop which I bought to write circle stuff on my train journey to and from work was being used on trivial pursuits and was taking me away from my valuable thinking and meditating time. There is one thing that I can attest to from past experience; Spirit can have a very abrupt way of changing one’s priorities when it perceives you are not taking the correct course of action. So in order to get a clearer understanding of the situation I consulted the runes. The result was Hagalaz – Hail.

Disruptive Natural Forces – Change, freedom, invention and liberation are all attributes of this Rune. Drawing it indicates a pressing need within the psyche to break free from constricting identification with material reality and to experience the world of archetypal mind.

Hagalaz is one of the Cycle Runes, and the term “radical discontinuity” best describes the action of this eclipse in this situation. Well, a lesson learnt and my errant ways to and from work have now been radically modified and the spiritual channels of communication have now been opened.

While trying to keep up with the challenges of everyday living, it can be difficult to achieve life balance. With the approach of the Spring Equinox, now is a good time to step back and ask, “Am I spending my time and energy on the ‘right’ things?” Prioritisation and balance are the key issues here, which do seem to be constant challenges in my life.

Reference: http://www.flicks.com/~pcrowley/Runes/FramePick.html

Over the past few years I have made a conscious effort to tap into the energies of the stars and the planets and although I am not an astrologer I am beginning to appreciate the knowledge that can be gained just through the process of observing the effects of these cosmic events.

Since becoming more ‘aware’, I have noticed the changes in my own life circumstances, which have coincided with these planetary transits, and in particular with the lunar and solar eclipses. I have come to realise that the energies of the eclipses have a tendency to illuminate your path and can liberate you from situations that have become far too limiting. I know that the outcomes can sometimes be painful but I do believe there are spiritual gains if you just allow yourself to move in harmony with the peaks and the troughs of these celestial currents.

As the winter gives way to spring hopefully these cosmic energies can help us clear away old patterns of behaviour and illuminate our inner journey so that we can come to a deeper understanding of our purpose and who we really are.

In the still darkness of the night
I am an emerging evolution.
My inner self dissipated into a celestial similtude.
I am nothing like, but more than absolute.
My connection transverses time and space.
Its journey becomes the Quest and the Grail eternal.

Sometimes life can feel like a roller coaster and can take you on unforeseen journeys. Spirit has this peculiar habit of thrusting me into somewhat mystifying situations and sometimes I don’t quite understand their reasoning, but I have come to realise that one should always expect the unexpected and see life in terms of cycles and circles, ebbs and flows.

Recently I have come in contact with members of my old band Wildwood, and it was rather strange how it all came about. I had a tarot reading and the woman giving the reading said that I would come in contact with friends from the past within the week, and in a space of week I received a phone call from one band member and then the next week I literally ran into another in a shop near my work.

On the Queen’s birthday long weekend, we all finally got together at Grenfell for a reunion after 30 years of separation. We brought with us our guitars and on the Saturday afternoon, we sat around the kitchen table to talk about old times and we played our music. We started with a favourite ‘Our House’ and the chords, the vocals and harmonies all just fell in to place like magic. It was truly an emotional moment and a couple of us shed a few tears reliving those halcyon times.

It was truly a wonderful weekend, the highlight was a gathering of friends, family, and other musicians around a fire pit, where we sang, laughed, and lost ourselves in the joy of the moment. At the end of the weekend we all promised that, we would do this again next year. We are even going to organise a pub gig for that weekend. Now that our friendship has been renewed, I look forward to playing our music again. It is funny how the wheel turns and life comes full circle.

Sometimes I feel that I am invisible, not in the physical sense but in the sense that I believe I don’t get any recognition for anything that I do.  Ok I know it is an ego thing and perhaps I don’t do anything worthy of recognition but still it is one of my frustration points.

Recently I discovered that Chiron sits in Capricorn in my natal chart, after reading through the interpretation, the reason for me feeling like I am invisible became apparent. Basically the interpretation highlighted that I bear the pain of not being recognised or understood.  Evidently at the heart of Capricorn there is a driving ambition, a need for status, respect and reward, and when Chiron is in Capricorn, you can get so caught up in achieving higher and higher goals that you never slow down to enjoy and assess what you have accomplished. Actually, it pretty much sums up my situation, working continually to burn out point, never really being satisfied with what I achieve.

At this juncture I started delving into the dark recesses of my soul, looking at what lies beneath the layers of discarded emotions and memories. Moving through painful recollections of childhood frustrations of rejection and isolation, all because of my idiosyncratic behaviour. A childhood that was spent in a Neptunian fantasy world, expressing myself through my creative and psychic talents and always struggling to be accepted and recognised by my peers and family. In actuality my childhood frustrations and explorations were in fact the grounding for my current path of shamanic witchcraft.

As I move now energetically and spiritually into the colder months, I am reminded that winter is a time of turning inward; a time to assess and let go of what no longer serves me, a time to release what holds me back, and it is also a time of preparing for transformation.

As we progress through the dark aspects of this coming season, may we all acknowledge the voices from our shadow that lies hidden in our emotions and our soul. May we contract into our depths and expand into the purity of our beings; may we apply the alchemy of transformation by honouring our essential self and appreciating  what truly is uniquely special and sacred in our lives and in our hearts.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” Carl Jung

Reference: www.astrology.com/allaboutyou/healingsign/capricorn.html

Original digital artwork, “Earth Spirit”,  by Janine Donnellan
(Click on the image for a larger view)