Diary of a Heretic

It appears that 2010 is a year of transition for many of us. So many people I know are going through life changing situations, either leaving jobs, moving house, starting new businesses, ending longstanding relationships or just trying to simplify their life.

I am currently going through a somewhat painful “birthing” process into a new creative phase of my life and while I can appreciate how exciting and challenging transitions can be, this transition has become a rather protracted dark night of the soul and is forcing me to re-evaluate my life’s purpose and my spiritual values.

The hardest aspect of living through a transition is learning to let go of the past. Sometimes we get stuck in spiritual limbo because we’re holding on to memories, old relationships and wounds or outmoded aspects of our current life that make us feel secure and comfortable.

Recently I conducted a ritual to cut away the residual energy of old relationships and aspects of my life that are not in my highest good. I thanked those people and experiences for the lessons I have learnt over the years and then I sent them my love, healing, gratitude and blessings. Sometimes we need to cut these energetic ties that hold us back from moving forward in our life, hopefully there should be no further harbouring of ill feelings only a willingness to accept that change is an essential and inevitable part of our spiritual growth.

I know that this transition has still a few more months to go but thank goodness the winter is finally coming to an end, and the warmth of the new sun is growing stronger; over the next few weeks we will be moving into spring and we will be experiencing a new energy, a new hope and a reawakening of the earth. It is comforting to experience our own life as part of this seasonal pattern, shedding the old and beginning the new. The dramatic passage from winter to spring makes a good time of year to put old patterns of behaviour to rest, heal wounds and welcome in personal change.

“Transition is the natural process of disorientation and reorientation that marks the turning points in the path of growth…transitions are key times in the natural process of self-renewal” ~ William Bridges

Running the gauntlet is an ancient form of physical punishment wherein a man is compelled to run between two rows – a gauntlet of soldiers who strike him as he passes. Well the recent lunar and solar eclipses has had me feeling like I have been running such a gauntlet. The solar eclipse in Cancer in particular may have seemed rather uneventful to some, but the neglected aspects of my life have been literally shaken loose and major issues have now been rising to the surface to be dealt with.

I have been in this strange state of transition for the past year and at the moment I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. According to some psychics, it appears that we are all living in between the old and the new. On one hand you may be in the process of dealing with past aspects of your life (finances, legal matters, relocation, relationships, etc), and on the other, your new life is coming more clearly into view and is patiently waiting for you to make the full transition. Insights of new opportunities may be popping up in your mind and you may be feeling intense pressure to get a whole lot of things done; you know how it goes, “There is so much to do, and so little time to do it in”.

At the moment I am heading towards a complete change in direction and the effects of these eclipses are propelling me forward to my ultimate goal at break neck speed. The Universe in the meantime is enticing me with glimpses of my new reality. This new life is what I have dreamed about for years, and yes it will be an exciting phase but this integration won’t be complete until I have finally cut loose all those encumbrances and then who knows what will happen.

“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.”
~ Douglas Adams

The Spectre of death has cast a dark shadow over my life for the past month. I have now attended three funerals, the last being my father-in-law’s last Wednesday. With the Winter Solstice near upon us it will be a time of sadness and reflection.

I can’t help but think how strange it is that these synchronicities of death and life weave a powerful connecting thread that links us to each other and life’s eventful circumstances. At SOL’s recent full moon circle we invited Arachne and the Sisters of Fate into our ritual and we focused on being the proactive weavers of our own lives. We even had a spider officiating which served as a reminder that it is our choices that construct our lives and that we should be mindful of the decisions we are making as they not only affect ourselves but the people around us.

The web of life represents our future and destiny and we have the means to weave and join together our ever-changing realities, and we can consciously bring them into harmony or dissonance, according to our free choice and will. Perhaps this should encourage us to create and make something beautiful of our own extraordinary substance and essence, as the spider does in spinning his unique web.

In a spiritual context, the thread also represents the silver cord that attaches to our soul and provides us with the link to our higher knowledge. You many not realize that we are the channels for the expression of our higher soul or self, and with this divine guidance we can construct a magnificent web according to our own thoughts and ideals and then merge them with those of our higher purpose for the good of all.

“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” ~ Ted Perry, 1971

Samhain has arrived this year with mixed blessings, death has come knocking and in the space of a couple of weeks I have attended two funerals; the first one for a mother of a dear friend and this week for a beloved Uncle. On the positive side there have been two births during the month, a reminder that life and death are the two poles around which we alternate over and over again.

Perhaps the hardest of all facts to face up to in this life is that sooner or later one’s physical and mental state will eventually give way to decay, disease and death. All creation is subject to this dreaded process and everything about us is dying by degrees – disintegrating before our very eyes.

We take these revolving doorways of life for granted, but they mark the boundaries that make each life experience unique and special. Our lives unfold in stages, allowing us time to blossom into our full potential. Unfortunately we have the illusion of a gradual transition between one phase and the next, yet the course of our life is never linear. Each cycle in life creeps up on us and we look in the mirror each day not noticing the growth of wrinkles, then, as if by magic, the veil suddenly lifts and one day we face reality and are shocked. Today was my moment of truth, as I was applying my make-up on the train I suddenly realized that I was looking my age.

Truth is the only armour which can really protect us from ourselves; if we can honestly assess our lives in relation to the eternal rhythms and patterns of nature then there is no real harm, we can console ourselves that in fact we are sharing a common experience with all manifested beings.

As we now energetically and spiritually move into the colder months, we are reminded that the approaching winter is a time of dormancy; a time to reflect on the aspects of our life that no longer serve our highest good, a time to release that which holds us back from reaching our potential, and it is also a time of preparing for our next transformation. As we progress through those dark aspects of self, may we all acknowledge the voices from our shadow that lies hidden in our emotions and our soul? May we apply the alchemy of transformation by honouring our essential self and appreciating what truly is uniquely special and sacred in our lives and in our hearts.

There is no death of anything except in appearance; and so, also, there is no birth of anything except in appearance. That which passes over from essence into nature seems to be birth, and that which passes over from nature into essence seems, in like manner, to be death; though nothing really is originated, and nothing ever perishes; but only now comes into sight, and now vanishes. It appears by reason of the density of matter, and disappears by reason of the tenuity of essence; but is always the same, differing only in motion and condition. ~ Apollonius

Have you noticed that the pace of life is speeding up? Change seems to happen more rapidly and as a result more and more of us are living in overdrive. There is so much more to learn, more challenges to meet and more tasks to accomplish. Yet the time to fit it all in seems to be getting less and less.

For the past week I have felt like I am running on empty and this acceleration of time seems to be putting me under additional stress to the point I am wondering if I will be able to cope with this rapid change without burning out or breaking down.

There is a theory that we are headed toward what is called a “singularity”. This is the term that mathematicians give to a point when an equation breaks down and ceases to have any useful meaning. The rules change and then something completely different and unexpected happens. The faster the world changes around us, the more we are forced to let go of any preconceived notions we have of what the future holds and then we are forced to live in the now.

I guess that to live with continued acceleration and all that it brings will take more than simple life management skills, it will involve a complete revision of our thinking about what the meaning of life is really all about.

The truth is that we are only half-awake and we need to fully awaken to who we are and what we really want. When we are awakened to our true nature, we become free from a dependence on the external world for the nourishment of our sense of self and our inner well-being. Then perhaps we can access the innate truth that lies deep within us all. In actuality, this sense of acceleration of time may well be the next step in the transition from amassing knowledge to actually developing wisdom.

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technological_singularity

The idea of life balance is a very appealing one, and having a busy life style there seems to be so many arenas of my life where I can’t seem to strike that right sense of balance. The truth is I cannot walk a tight line and achieve perfect balance, it is simply unattainable.

The problem as I see it is that in this modern world we are all trying to be perfect and live a perfect existence. No matter how hard you try you cannot achieve a perfect life for any sustained length of time so it’s better to face reality and accept who you are right now with all your imperfections and do the things you can and just get on with life. You will probably find that you will start living a more happy and fulfilled life and actually achieve more of your goals.

The Autumn Equinox is a perfect occasion to consider balance and harmony and how those forces are at work within your life. It is important at this time to remember that the only constant in life is change; decisions are made and actions are generated. Life can present us with a variety of tragedy, mediocrity and moments of tremendous joy. While the past cannot be altered, the bountiful harvest of wisdom gained from each experience is truly a gift. With a perceptive mind, we can locate those grains of wisdom and insight to plant as seeds for a more gratifying future.

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really wise. ~ Euripides (484 BC – 406 BC)

How often do you feel blocked or stuck in a rut and unable to manifest your innate creativity? Of course you tell yourself that it’s not that important or you let other mundane things take priority. Over time you lose touch with this natural creative source and you wonder why you feel so unfulfilled and frustrated.

There have been some creative ideas of mine that have been on the backburner for some time now. Each year I start off with great expectations that I will get around to starting them but I never do. Perhaps it is a fear of failure, or a fear of jumping into the realm of the unknown or possibly the fear of success. But whatever the fear represents, it has been holding me back from reaching my true creative potential.

At SOL’s first circle for the year we drew upon the great energy of the Leo full moon to help us utilize our untapped creative power with greater control and discipline. The energy of this circle seems to have jump started my plans and over the past couple of weeks I have been taken out of my comfort zone and made to re-evaluate where I am heading. You know Spirit has this unique habit of waiting to see what you are going to do and then if nothing happens Spirit will create a situation that will bring things to a head.

The upshot is that I am going to make some drastic changes to my life; I am going to rid myself of some self imposed encumbrances; I have a plan in place and I am going to trust the Universe that my dreams will be realized.

The ideal is to live my dreams now before it’s too late. This is the year I am going to follow my bliss, and I know it is not going to be easy and I will hit some walls on the way but I if I don’t do it now then I will probably live the rest of my life with regrets.

“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” ~ Tina Turner

It hasn’t been a happy start to the new year, with the devastating earthquake creating so much death and despair in Haiti. Even in a country that has endured deadly hurricanes, unrelenting violence and grinding poverty, the destruction was epic.

With so much pain and grief being felt across the world it is a time to grieve with those who mourn and stand in solidarity with those who have lost so much. The time for trying to fully process what has happened will come but first we must allow this time of grief to take its course and the season of healing to begin.

For all those people that have survived this terrible catastrophe, let us unite in thought and deed and send them healing in whatever form we can, whether that be through Ritual, Meditation, Energetic Healing, Reiki or Prayer. Please also give a thought to the dead and ask your guides for assistance to help them cross over.

Please send cash donations to help survivors of the Haiti earthquake at the following major aid organisations:

Save the Children’s Haiti Earthquake Emergency Appeal at this link. Donations can also be made at NAB branches or by phoning 1800 76 00 11.

Australian Red Cross Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or by phoning 1800 811 700.

www.worldvision.com.au or call 13 32 40

Oxfam’s Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or by phone at 1800 034 034.

CARE Australia has said the biggest challenge facing aid groups on the ground is reaching all those who need their help. CARE’s staff have been handing out food and other supplies. The agency has said a donation of just $50 can provide water sanitation kits to homeless families. You can donate to CARE’s Haiti Earthquake Appeal online or at 1800 020 046.

ActionAid Australia’s emergency appeal online or by phone at 1300 66 66 72.

The animal victims desperately need help too, and the World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA) is joining forces with other animal welfare groups to come to their aid. Donate to WSPA online or phone 1300 13 9772. More information regarding the animal situation in Haiti can be found on WSPA’s Animals in Disasters Blog.

Spheres Of Light will be collecting money at our upcoming Lughnasadh ritual, which will be donated to the Australian Red Cross Haiti Earthquake Appeal.

It has been said that in a world of order, chaos reigns. This year has certainly been a year of instability on all fronts! 2009 has definitely been a year of contrasts, a year of transformation. Actually, it has been like a roller-coaster ride. I can’t recall a year for quite sometime where such exuberant highs and gut-wrenching lows were contained within such a short period of time.

What I have seen during 2009 is more and more people seeking answers to life’s questions, and some are waking up from the deep sleep of illusion. 2009 added up to a Universal 11 Master number in numerology, and metaphorically, the number 11 symbolizes a point in our journey where we’ve reached a fork in the road and a decision resulted where we must choose either the path to the right or the path to the left. One of these paths will ensure positive change and upward growth, while the other portends stagnation and a loss of initiative, purpose and direction.

This year seems to have instigated a great process of clearing, when you clear something out of the way; you make room for something more ideal to come in. Moving something, clearing it up, throwing it away, all leads to clarity in some way. One of the main benefits of this year of transformation has been gaining clarity and insight. So my challenge to you is to start the momentum happening, start to build, start to make room for something that will serve you better in 2010.

As we approach the new year there is great expectation that the vital energy and positive thrust of life will be replenished and born anew, providing each of us a renewed hope for a brighter more satisfying future.

I would like to take this opportunity on behalf of Spheres of Light to wish you all peace, joy and harmony for the New Year and have a safe and happy holiday season.

“Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive.” ~ Stacey Charter

Last night as I was looking at the black shiny scrying mirrors and bowls that I purchased for the upcoming scrying workshop, I found myself pondering on how life can become quite surreal at times, especially when you are working with various states of realities. Take last Sunday for example at the SOL meditation in the park, our group experienced some amazing similarities in our visualisations. It is remarkable what one can tap into during these meditative sessions and I hope that the scrying weekend will reveal some equally wonderful insights.

Peering through a blackened Looking-Glass, all seems very Alice in Wonderland where you are sometimes shown a world where things aren’t always what they seem; a world of echoing mirrors which can take us on incredible journeys to worlds within worlds within worlds.

We are ourselves a mirror; seeing and reflecting the myriad of experiences of our mundane and spiritual lives as we search for our truth, trying to come to an understanding of who we really are. It reminds me of a dream I had several years ago, where I was invited to a fancy dress ball, the theme was to come as a favourite music album. I found myself at the ball with just a hand mirror and the album I was representing was Rod Stewart’s “Every Picture Tells a Story”. It was truly a profound dream and it made me realise the mirrored pictures of our life may be just distorted representations of our own unique perceptions about ourself.

If one is not happy with what life is reflecting then the quickest way to change your reflection is by learning to truly love and appreciate yourself. Whether you are conscious of the power of your mind or not, the mirror of life is directly related to how you perceive yourself. Even people who are not aware that their thoughts create their reality can and do create truly incredible lives when they love and acknowledge themselves.

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”
~ Ernest Holmes